I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i came on her dog
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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