I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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