I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
