I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
