I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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