and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
