if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize