you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
wow bdsm is so cute
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
