please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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