guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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