It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
