franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
