I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
