I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
