I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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