She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize