non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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