Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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