I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
