i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
