I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
