dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
