physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
