so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
