She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
