TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
