1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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