i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
