using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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