No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
