I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
