this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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