If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
