You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
