Tell her she can't have a vagina
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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