I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
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Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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