This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
