girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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