hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
