It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
