I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
