So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
