Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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