I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
