I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
