Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
