Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
