Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
