I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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