Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
