I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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