Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.