Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
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I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
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I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.