Texts From Last Night

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  (253): View more from Washington

  Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.

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  (253): Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it. http://tfl.nu/s7pq
  Replies (15) Good night (748) Bad night (3738)
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  (805): View more from California

  saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken

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  (805): saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken http://tfl.nu/k7ra
  Replies (20) Good night (740) Bad night (3548)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?

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  (937): was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"? http://tfl.nu/gea9
  Replies (16) Good night (994) Bad night (3346)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students

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  (773): somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students http://tfl.nu/zxwh
  Replies (8) Good night (4438) Bad night (1045)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  It's not kidnapping if it's romantic

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  (912): It's not kidnapping if it's romantic http://tfl.nu/j4mo
  Replies (17) Good night (6590) Bad night (1905)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.

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  (206): I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right. http://tfl.nu/kss9
  Replies (16) Good night (5929) Bad night (1075)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up

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  (586): you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up http://tfl.nu/umx5
  Replies (15) Good night (981) Bad night (4473)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.

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  (309): My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead. http://tfl.nu/49y2
  Replies (14) Good night (1705) Bad night (5455)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.

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  (708): I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious. http://tfl.nu/uku0
  Replies (16) Good night (1722) Bad night (3437)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...

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  (517): She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name... http://tfl.nu/ngxr
  Replies (17) Good night (4968) Bad night (1021)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Come over. Drunk tacos.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  That isn't even a sentence.

  (214): View more from Texas

  I kept the important parts.

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  (214): Come over. Drunk tacos. (1-214): That isn't even a sentence. (214): I kept the important parts. http://tfl.nu/2pq0
  Replies (8) Good night (4909) Bad night (1009)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath

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  (807): Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath http://tfl.nu/x0dh
  Replies (7) Good night (2730) Bad night (662)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.

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  (208): Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success. http://tfl.nu/sluv
  Replies (1) Good night (1246) Bad night (438)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.

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  (519): He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat. http://tfl.nu/pqit
  Replies (10) Good night (1508) Bad night (552)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.

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  (512): Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now. http://tfl.nu/2lch
  Replies (0) Good night (678) Bad night (268)

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