Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
