And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.