Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."