If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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