just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
