The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
