Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
