I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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