OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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