how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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