You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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