Do you still have your period?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
