oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Can you repeat that, but with context?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
