I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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