I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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