i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
