do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
