I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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