party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
