I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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