Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
