"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
