Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
