standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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