She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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