I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
