Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
