i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
babies were throwing up all over the place
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
