Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
