I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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