3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
