i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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